In the past couple of weeks I have learned to accept that my little boy is getting married. We've even managed to begin working toward a new relationship. So, with that said -- the wedding planning and shopping has begun. Last weekend Candace, her mother, Sara (one of the bridesmaids) Terri (my sweet, sweet friend) and I spent the day shopping for the reception tables. Several hours later -- SUCCESS. We found beautifully tinted hurricane vases and ivory candles to go inside. I have to say they are gorgeous. These will be handed off to my very dear friends (Clint and Darshan) to create the table centerpieces. Finally, something is checked off my list.
We're taking a break from weddings, jobs, housework, etc. for a few days. We're loading up the camper and heading to the beach! YEAH! I can't wait. Five days of uninterrupted time with two of my favorite people. Thank you Jesus! Of course, the dog's going too -- nothing's perfect.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
Trust
Wow, I was scrolling back through this blog and thinking "man, I really need to lighten up!" I realize for all the little prayers I've prayed, I'm still not trusting God's will for my life. I'm obsessing over everything and holding on to it like it was gold. The truth is for the past 2 to 2 1/2 years our lives have been in constant turmoil and struggle. Why? What is it that God's trying to teach us? I keep asking this question and saying it can't just be about trust -- it has to be something more major, but maybe that is exactly what it's all about. Trusting someone you can't physically see or touch is mind blowing, allowing them complete control over your life is almost unfathomable.
Have you ever thought about people who get caught up in cults and follow these zealous leaders to their death? They have mind blowing trust -- even though it's misplaced -- it's still mind blowing trust. So why is it that I can't seem to let go of the reins? I can look back over my life and I can pinpoint places where God has provided in amazing and miraculous ways.
In 1989 I had a 3 year old child and a husband who left. Just walked out the door and said, "I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be a husband and father right now." Granted our relationship had never been stable, but we were still married and connected. So, here I was a very young mother, with a small child and completely on my own. Then a short time later (on Zach's 4th birthday) a tornado struck the mobile home we were living in (while we were home) and totally destroyed it. We were very blessed to only have cuts and bruises, but we lost everything we had -- clothes, toys, everything. The only thing we walked away with were the clothes we had on and Zachary's beloved "blankie" which he never put down except to take a bath, and our lives. In the span of a few weeks I lost my family, my home and my possessions. It was a horrible time in my life and I never thought I would recover. I remember telling a Christian counselor I was seeing at the time that I just wanted my life back.
I can't imagine having that life back now. You see God provided what was best for me. He spared my life and the life of my child, he got me out of a mobile home I couldn't afford to pay for, he reconnected me with my immediate family, and then eventually he gave me a new family -- a wonderful husband and another son, he also gave me a brand new home.
I couldn't see that 19 years ago. I want to see it today! I want to trust him with my life. I want every fiber of me to let go and let God. Even when the answer is NO, even when he shuts the door on my pursuits, even when my heart is breaking into a million pieces, I want to trust him completely.
Okay, it's still heavy stuff, but my heart's a little lighter!
Have you ever thought about people who get caught up in cults and follow these zealous leaders to their death? They have mind blowing trust -- even though it's misplaced -- it's still mind blowing trust. So why is it that I can't seem to let go of the reins? I can look back over my life and I can pinpoint places where God has provided in amazing and miraculous ways.
In 1989 I had a 3 year old child and a husband who left. Just walked out the door and said, "I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be a husband and father right now." Granted our relationship had never been stable, but we were still married and connected. So, here I was a very young mother, with a small child and completely on my own. Then a short time later (on Zach's 4th birthday) a tornado struck the mobile home we were living in (while we were home) and totally destroyed it. We were very blessed to only have cuts and bruises, but we lost everything we had -- clothes, toys, everything. The only thing we walked away with were the clothes we had on and Zachary's beloved "blankie" which he never put down except to take a bath, and our lives. In the span of a few weeks I lost my family, my home and my possessions. It was a horrible time in my life and I never thought I would recover. I remember telling a Christian counselor I was seeing at the time that I just wanted my life back.
I can't imagine having that life back now. You see God provided what was best for me. He spared my life and the life of my child, he got me out of a mobile home I couldn't afford to pay for, he reconnected me with my immediate family, and then eventually he gave me a new family -- a wonderful husband and another son, he also gave me a brand new home.
I couldn't see that 19 years ago. I want to see it today! I want to trust him with my life. I want every fiber of me to let go and let God. Even when the answer is NO, even when he shuts the door on my pursuits, even when my heart is breaking into a million pieces, I want to trust him completely.
Okay, it's still heavy stuff, but my heart's a little lighter!
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Honduras Missions
If you ever think of supporting a mission organization, please consider this one. http://www.mercyandgraceministries.org/
My husband and I have been to Honduras several times. The people there are some of the most faithful you'll ever find. Our friend, Ricardo, is the team leader of Mercy and Grace Ministries there. We met Ricardo back in 2002 and he has become a treasured family friend. Ricardo will be in the US the latter part of April to the first of May to speak in churces, organizations (anywhere the Lord leads) about the ongoing ministry in Honduras and how you can be a part of it. If you get the opportunity to hear this man's powerful testimony -- GO! I can assure you you will be amazed.
My husband and I have been to Honduras several times. The people there are some of the most faithful you'll ever find. Our friend, Ricardo, is the team leader of Mercy and Grace Ministries there. We met Ricardo back in 2002 and he has become a treasured family friend. Ricardo will be in the US the latter part of April to the first of May to speak in churces, organizations (anywhere the Lord leads) about the ongoing ministry in Honduras and how you can be a part of it. If you get the opportunity to hear this man's powerful testimony -- GO! I can assure you you will be amazed.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Trauma
Yesterday was a day of trauma for my sweet, young son. After completing the writing test with a prompt he felt pretty good about -- he and two of his buds were taking the trash out for their teacher. The two buds started horseplaying and one thing led to another and ended with one of them getting their finger severed. How my child was not involved in the actual accident is just one of life's little miracles. Normally, he would be in the thick of it, but this time he said he just fell back and started walking back to the school building. Some might say a stroke of luck, but I say the Holy Spririt held him back. By the time he got to the door everything was covered in blood. He had the presence of mind to keep the blood off of him, but to also get the boy to stop moving and his hand on the pressure point to slow the flow of blood and started screaming for help. (Apparently Jacob is paying attention in science class!) The paramedics were there quite quickly and rushed his friend to the hospital. I talked with the father this morning and they were able to reattach his finger. There is still the possibility he could loose it, but right now everything looks good. Unfortunately his other friend was suspended pending a full investigation. How sad for all involved that simple child's play ended so tragically. Of course, it presents opportunities for all to learn lessons and for parents to talk with their children about wise choices.
It feels like my little baby has had a rough go of it lately. It reminds me as a parent that you can't protect them all the time. You can't put bubbles around them. You have to entrust them to God. After all they are only on loan to us.
Lord Jesus, help me to be a good parent. Help me to guide Jacob in your promises. Give me the right words to encourage him and to comfort him. Lord, I pray your presence over his two friends and their families. I pray for your comfort and healing both physically and emotionally for all.
It feels like my little baby has had a rough go of it lately. It reminds me as a parent that you can't protect them all the time. You can't put bubbles around them. You have to entrust them to God. After all they are only on loan to us.
Lord Jesus, help me to be a good parent. Help me to guide Jacob in your promises. Give me the right words to encourage him and to comfort him. Lord, I pray your presence over his two friends and their families. I pray for your comfort and healing both physically and emotionally for all.
Monday, March 3, 2008
The Writing Test
It's an anxious time at our house right now. The State Writing Test (mandatory for 4th, 7th and 10th graders) is tomorrow. My beautiful and normally laid back child's anxiety level is through the roof right now. Jacob is required to pass this stupid test since he is a 7th grader. He's been practicing quite a bit and even took some tutoring classes, but since his learning disability incorporates reading and writing this test is extremely difficult for him. We are praying earnestly that he will be able to complete this test and receive a passing score.
I heard a speech by Hillary Clinton this past Saturday. Normally I do not listen to campaign speeches. I truly detest politics, but I was doing some things in my kitchen and had the TV tuned to Fox News. She was campaigning in Texas, I believe. Anyways she started talking about education and what she wanted to do if elected. What caught my attention was the No Child Left Behind remarks. Her intentions are to dismantle this absurdly ridiculous program. She needn't say more. She's got my vote. I think the NCLB program is the most damaging program in our educational system. I don't disagree that our children and schools need safeguards in place to make sure we are educating them, but this program doesn't do that. What it does do is increase stress levels on kids, teachers, and parents to epic proportions. Every spring I watch my child experience various degrees of meltdowns (and I know for fact that he is not the only one) in order to survive testing season. If your child is in a gateway year, they learn basically nothing, but how to take a test that entire school year. Our educators are pushed to the limit in order to meet the lofty goals set up by the state. I have no idea what her other ideas are -- universal healthcare, college tuitions, foreign policies -- who knows? All I heard is what I've been waiting to hear for years -- someone finally willing to change something I personally care about.
Lord, I so pray for calm heads to prevail in order for Jacob to pass this test. I pray for his ability to concentrate and his ability to get his thoughts onto the paper. And, I pray that as in the past he will be able to say -- Jesus take the pencil!
I heard a speech by Hillary Clinton this past Saturday. Normally I do not listen to campaign speeches. I truly detest politics, but I was doing some things in my kitchen and had the TV tuned to Fox News. She was campaigning in Texas, I believe. Anyways she started talking about education and what she wanted to do if elected. What caught my attention was the No Child Left Behind remarks. Her intentions are to dismantle this absurdly ridiculous program. She needn't say more. She's got my vote. I think the NCLB program is the most damaging program in our educational system. I don't disagree that our children and schools need safeguards in place to make sure we are educating them, but this program doesn't do that. What it does do is increase stress levels on kids, teachers, and parents to epic proportions. Every spring I watch my child experience various degrees of meltdowns (and I know for fact that he is not the only one) in order to survive testing season. If your child is in a gateway year, they learn basically nothing, but how to take a test that entire school year. Our educators are pushed to the limit in order to meet the lofty goals set up by the state. I have no idea what her other ideas are -- universal healthcare, college tuitions, foreign policies -- who knows? All I heard is what I've been waiting to hear for years -- someone finally willing to change something I personally care about.
Lord, I so pray for calm heads to prevail in order for Jacob to pass this test. I pray for his ability to concentrate and his ability to get his thoughts onto the paper. And, I pray that as in the past he will be able to say -- Jesus take the pencil!
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Weight Loss Update
To say I'm a little frustrated is completely true! I've lost 14 pounds since starting my new healthy eating lifestyle. (I hate calling it a diet.) That's 2 pounds less than my goal for the month. I suppose that's not exactly bad since January was a stellar month, but of course I'm dwelling on the 2 pounds instead of the 14. Figures. My clothes are definitely much looser and I am now wearing size 8 jeans. YEAH!!! I've got a ways to go yet and I am committed. I heard a great tip the other day (from the actress Valerie Bertinelli) add weights when walking. She had this neat vest that you could add weights to. Apparently it tricks the body into thinking you are heavier and it burns more calories. So, since I'm at one of those plateaus I'm going to add some weights and see what happens. Another tip I heard -- change your eating times. If you eat your heaviest meal in the evening, change it up. I'm willing to try it and see.
Lord, thank you for my victories. Continue to encourage me in my weaknesses.
Lord, thank you for my victories. Continue to encourage me in my weaknesses.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
A-Hah Moments
God has a way of speaking to us at the most unpredictable times. When that happens don't you just feel special? Sometimes, we forget that God is right there sitting next to us by the computer, watching TV, eating supper, driving down the road. We forget that we can just talk up a storm and he listens to every word. He knows every thought, every choice long before we make it. He also knows our hearts the good and the bad. He knows when we hurt and put on a brave face, he knows when we are exhausted and have nothing else to give. I imagine sometimes during this difficult time with my son, that when I've buried my face in my pillow sobbing that he's lying next to me with his arms of love wrapped tightly around me and whispering softly in my ear, "all will be well my child, trust me."
Our a-hah moment came Saturday night watching a movie. Jacob had asked for some time to rent Evan Almighty. We had watched Bruce Almighty and while it has a feel good story and plot some of the scenes were just a little tasteless, so I was leary of the sequel. But, my parents had went to spend Saturday night with my sister and hubby suggested we go to the video store and we came home with the movie. First of all, it's a really good movie and the story is fabulous. When Evan is finally talking with God he asks the question we all ask -- why me? In that reply came this precious jewel -- "when people pray for patience, I don't just make them patient, I give them opportunities to be patient, and when families pray for love, I don't just make them suddenly lovey-dovey, (here it is . . . ) I give them opportunites to love each other." I can't begin to tell you how that line affected the three of us. All three of us (hubby, me and youngest son) got it at the same time and the tears began to flow. Alot of things became clear to each of us. We each realized that during this time we've not been faultless, we've made mistakes and mishandled things as well.
I can't say that everything is hunky dorie with Zachary and Candace right now, but I can say that on this end and in this home things and feelings have changed. Instead of praying God fix them, we are now praying God fix us and give us opportunities to love. That doesn't mean you give them everything they ask for, it means you love them like they've never been loved before. You love them like Jesus loves us -- wholly, completely and passionately. Hallelujah, thank you Jesus, and pass the popcorn!
Our a-hah moment came Saturday night watching a movie. Jacob had asked for some time to rent Evan Almighty. We had watched Bruce Almighty and while it has a feel good story and plot some of the scenes were just a little tasteless, so I was leary of the sequel. But, my parents had went to spend Saturday night with my sister and hubby suggested we go to the video store and we came home with the movie. First of all, it's a really good movie and the story is fabulous. When Evan is finally talking with God he asks the question we all ask -- why me? In that reply came this precious jewel -- "when people pray for patience, I don't just make them patient, I give them opportunities to be patient, and when families pray for love, I don't just make them suddenly lovey-dovey, (here it is . . . ) I give them opportunites to love each other." I can't begin to tell you how that line affected the three of us. All three of us (hubby, me and youngest son) got it at the same time and the tears began to flow. Alot of things became clear to each of us. We each realized that during this time we've not been faultless, we've made mistakes and mishandled things as well.
I can't say that everything is hunky dorie with Zachary and Candace right now, but I can say that on this end and in this home things and feelings have changed. Instead of praying God fix them, we are now praying God fix us and give us opportunities to love. That doesn't mean you give them everything they ask for, it means you love them like they've never been loved before. You love them like Jesus loves us -- wholly, completely and passionately. Hallelujah, thank you Jesus, and pass the popcorn!
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