Over the Hill Birthdays

In the midst of uncertainty at our house comes a birthday. Not just any birthday, but an over the hill, older than dirt birthday! My sweet, sweet hubby is turning 40 today! I stayed up til midnight last night so I could tell him first thing just how thankful to God I am for him. He is a rock in our relationship and wonderful husband and father. I am so blessed.

I am also so conniving. We needed some fun and humor these days, so I quickly planned a surprise party. He has no idea that tonight at 6 p.m. all of his family and most of his friends are going to converge on our home.

I can't wait for the look on his face. A happy smile is all I need!

Thank you Jesus for this man. Thank you for his strength when I'm ready to throw in the towel. Thank you for his reasoning when I'm irrational. Thank you for his love when I'm trembling with uncertainty.

Lay Down Your Burdens With Me

"I know the plans I have for you . . ." I wish I knew them too.

For anyone who reads this blog, I ask that you pray for me and my family. Pray for my 13 year old son that he will find his way. Pray that each of us will have strength, wisdom and patience.

Today, we pulled our son out of the public school system. He's not happy to say the least and neither am I, but it had to be done. I have my homeschool license and I'm not sure what direction we will go in after the holidays.

Raising teenagers is never easy for anyone, but right now I'm drowning. I don't know what is best for my child and I'm clueless where to start.

Jesus, sweet Jesus, help me. Show me the path, move my feet, close my mouth, open my eyes and search my heart.

Deer Hunter's Dream

It was a late night last night. Jacob went with the youth and some others from church to see Casting Crowns in concert. It was midnight when hubby went to pick him up. I figured he might sleep in this morning, but instead he said he was going hunting this morning.

You see I'm married to the biggest deer hunter in the world and I also gave birth to the next one in line. They get up early before daylight and trudge off to the woods to sit in the darkness and freezing cold while I'm nestled in warm blankets snoozing away.

At 7:41 a.m. I am woken by the phone screaming next to me. Usually, on a Saturday morning I roll over and ignore it, but this morning I yank it up to my ear. I hear my hubby yelling at me, "You gotta get up, he's hit the mother load this morning, get up, get dressed quickly, I'll come get you." I jump up, brush my teeth, and pull some jeans on. Down in the garage I'm trying to get my boots on when Jacob pulls up to the door and is yelling at me to hurry up. We literally zoom off into the woods on the 4 wheeler (yeah I gotta have a talk with his daddy about how fast he drives that thing). Jacob is talking and over the roar of the 4 wheerler I can hear, "he's a big one, my first buck, he's huge, his rack is bigger than anything daddy's ever gotten." Soon, I can see hubby's orange hat in a gulley, we pull up and sure enough my sweet baby has gotten his fourth deer, but it's his first buck.

9 pointer - 18 3/4" spread

Thank you Jesus for days that turn into really great days!

Family Getaway

Don't you just love a great family weekend getaway? We do!! We loaded up Thursday (hubby, me and Jacob, Zach and Candi, my mom and dad, my sister and her husband -- yep all of us) and took off. We rented a 3 bedroom, 3 bath condo and we all piled in. It was bitterly cold, but we braved the wind and even some snow to watch a Christmas parade on Friday night and shop, shop, shop til we dropped the rest of the time. We had a great time ordering in and eating in front of the fireplace. Laughing at each other and old times, making new memories as well. What a wonderful way to lighten my mood lately and RELAX!

Thank you Jesus for traveling mercies, for time together as a family, for the spirit of Christmas that lives within us. Thank you most of all for YOU!

One Down, Two to Go, Plus a Birthday

One holiday down and two more to go plus hubby's 40th birthday is this month. I think I need my batteries changed if I'm going to make it til January and could someone please turn the heat back on!

Stupid Parents

Some may be offended by the post title, but it's actually a book title. A book that we are reading right now with our 13 year old son. Jacob's been having a little difficulty with peer pressure -- okay a lot of difficulty. I found this book at Lifeway the other day and while it's made for teens to read alone to help give them insight into parents -- it's really been helpful to us as well.

Each night we've read a chapter together and then openly discussed how it might apply to us as parents, as individuals and as a family. I think it's helping us a great deal.

We're still actively seeking and praying about Jacob's educational needs and what the Lord has in store for us as a family and as individuals. This season in our lives has been extremely painful at times, but I know my God is faithful, I know my God is capable and he will see us through. I am thankful this Thanksgiving that God is working in our lives. As a former pastor once told us, "If the devil is not stirring up trouble at your house, then you need to take a close look at what you are NOT doing." That's not to say that you should always be living in constant chaos and never happy. It means that when you feel God refining you it isn't always comfortable.

Lord Jesus, help me seek shelter in your abiding love.

Prayer Changes Things

I know prayer changes things. I've seen it in my own life and in the lives of others. I'm in a season now where I need prayer. I need for God to clear the path in front of me and lay the plans out for me. I know I can trust him to guide me, but can I trust him with my child? Ahh, not always so easy.

God, I don't know what lays in store for my precious child, but I know you do. I know you have the power and authority over him and that you and you alone can change the course of a life. I love this child with all my heart and I beg of you to show mercy and guidance to him. Direct his path and keep his heart truly yours.

Living in the Teenage Years

What's the phrase -- the best laid plans . . .

Last time my hubby was out tripping, things were not as good at home as I had planned. Jacob was and still is a typical teenager and well this time I vowed that it would be better. That I would be better. NOT!

At least last night we cleared the air a little, I think.

Teenagers are probably the most exasperating people on earth. Don't get me wrong I love mine to death even on the iffy days. You would think since I've done this once before that it would be easier and that I would see some of this stuff coming. NOT!

Jacob is truly uniquely different than his brother. Zachary was the typical moody teenager, but without much prodding would talk and you'd know what (okay a little of what) was going on inside his head and heart. Jacob is too much like his father -- very independent, very stubborn and does not open up his head or heart very well at all. On the other hand he's also very compassionate and loving to those he cherishes. Zachary is a little less forthcoming with his hugs.

Living with a teenager hasn't changed though -- it's still like living on the edge. You never know who or what you're going to get and when and why they'll change.

Father God, thank you for allowing me the opportunity to raise these two wonderful people. Thank you for the joy they bring me and thank you for the sadness and frustration that comes along with it. I pray especially for Zachary that you would continue to mold his life and that he will become a man of Christlike character. I pray too for Jacob that as he walks through these tangled teenage years that you would guide him to make godly choices.

Funny Thing . . .

Since hubby is out of town I am now in charge of . . . stuff! I admit I'm pretty much a kept woman. I never have to fix stuff or do stuff. You know most days I lie around on the sofa and eat Milano cookies and watch TV and occassionally take the dog out. Okay, okay I'm dreaming, but seriously I am having to take care of a few things that usually aren't my domain.

Among his many talents, my hubby is building a garage for a church member. How is he building a garage while out of town so much? He doesn't actually build the garage himself he contracts it out -- well with the exception of the footings which he and I did last week. That's right, I got dirty for money!

Anyways, he left an envelope for me to deliver to the brickmason when he completed the foundation. Pablo (the brick mason) called me today and wanted to meet to get his money. I was in Walmart and he said, "How convenient I live near Walmart, I'll be there in 10 minutes. Meet me in the parking lot by the Goodwill truck." So, a few minutes later Jacob and I are sitting by the Goodwill truck munching on potato wedges when a Latino man drives up in a truck. ME: You Pablo? HIM: Yes, very much thank you. You have money? ME: Uhh, yeah (handing him the envelope). You want to count it? HIM: (Looking very suspicious) No, no ma'am, I trust you. ME: Okay, I gotta go, have a good day. JACOB: It's a good thing he didn't want to count that money, cause I jacked $20 out of that envelope this morning. ME: (spitting Pepsi all over the windshield through my nose no less) Please tell me you're kidding. JACOB: (cracking up) I can't believe you fell for that. We laughed all the way home.

We Are Family . . .

I am so blessed. Even with things up in the air, even with the economy in the tank, even with stress and decisions to make -- I am so blessed.

Zachary and Candace with Jr. , Me and Jacob

on their wedding day

(No one would ever believe the change in these two since they got married. They're like totally different people. So much more calmer and satisfied. It's great to see them growing and maturing.)

Since Jr. is gone out of town so much now, we instituted a family night the night before he leaves. We all get together to eat, laugh and play a game and basically spend an evening enjoying each others' company. Let me say first and foremost we love a good board game, trivia game, you name it and we have always been competitive with each other. It's a good thing that Candi is of the same personality or she wouldn't stand a chance in this bunch.

Great game, loads of fun and hilarious for all.

Home School, Christian School, Online School, Public School

Well, that's the big question at our house right now. Jacob is an 8th grader in our public school system and always has been in public school. To say that this year is a challenge for him would be putting it mildly.

Jacob struggles with LD in reading and writing which has an effect on every subject. Lately, he's struggling to keep his head above water. He's always been an A B student and now this year his grades have fallen quite a bit. The material is harder, he has all men teachers (a first for him). Not that men teachers are not good, but some of them tend to not be as attentive to student needs. He is on a team that doesn't have as many of his old friends and some of the new friends are not who he needs to be friends with. His dad is away now and I know that makes a difference in all of our lives. He got in trouble this past week for aggressive behavior. According to the asst. principal he had a right to be angry and he was defending himself, but he still knows the rules and they are to remove himself from the situation and tell someone in authority what is going on. Okay, it's the first time he has ever been in trouble -- and we may very well be overreacting.

We've been talking about changing his eduation for over a year now, so now it's time to actually do it or not. Next year he'll be in a totally different high school than most of his friends thanks to the school district reassignment unless we sell our home which we were already thinking of doing because it would allows us to build a smaller home and be almost completely debt free. Retirement is a good ways away yet -- but we could save alot of money between now and then without a house payment.

Back on subject -- Our oldest son attended Christian school until high school age and we moved into this area and put him in public school. The first year was tough for him because he wasn't used to the freedom, but he did well. However, Jacob and Zachary are totally different. The Homeschool option and the Online school option gives us greater flexibility with our family and we could travel with hubby at least once a month. That would give Jacob many opportunities and he could still maintain friendships with his friends through youth group. The Christian school option keeps him in a school setting, but he would have to make new friends, we would have to drive him 20 miles both ways every day. It's an additional expense of tuition and gas to our budget. Or we leave him where he is. Of course, Jacob would like to stay where he is because he knows it, it's familiar to him, but is it the place for him?

So, that's where we are -- praying, looking at options, praying, checking out materials, praying, interviewing schools, praying, talking with other parents we know who homeschool, praying, and talking with parents who send their kids to Christian schools, praying and praying and praying.

Father God, you know the plans you have for Jacob. I pray that you will reveal those plans to us and show us what your perfect will is for his life.

Love Letter

As I started to wake up this morning, realizing quickly that you again aren't here, my heart sank to that awful place that I'm desperately trying not to go. Before I could throw the covers back the phone rang. You. Did you just know that this morning I needed to hear your voice before hearing anything else? I quickly switched to my upbeat mood so you wouldn't know how much this is killing me.

I talk to you every couple of hours, I look at the map and I know basically where you are, you tell me about things you see, how people treat you (mostly pretty well), we discuss the house and Jacob and things I need to do and how to do them, but . . . it barely gets me through til the next time we talk.

I never knew I could love someone so much or that someone could love me like you do. This love, our love is what people pray for and some never get. How lucky we are. How blessed we are. You are everything I dreamed about and still do, my faith in you is bigger than both of us, there is no room for doubt. You are the other half of me and right now half of me is missing.

For now, I stare at your pictures, I stare at Jacob and see you in his eyes, in the way he walks and in his accent I hear your voice. For now, it has to do.

Five Minutes of Caring

Do you know that you can change the world? Yes, you and me and anyone else who cares just a little -- just five minutes!

A couple of Saturdays ago (while hubby was on the road) Jacob and I signed up to man our church booth at a local festival. This year instead of promoting our church, we decided to promote Five Minutes of Caring. If everyone invested five minutes of their time every day to help someone, to do something nice or say something nice, imagine what a difference it would make in our world.

You don't have to be affiliated with any religious organization, you don't have to be into the "green", you don't have to have extra money laying around -- you just have to have a willingness to do one nice thing a day. That's it.

Here's one idea (so simple and so easy). Donate your old mismatched socks to an animal shelter, human society, etc. They can use those old socks to make toys for animals in shelters. Wow, how hard is that? Another idea? Compliment someone. If you get great service somewhere tell the manager. It's simple, takes no time at all and doesn't cost you a dime. Want some more ideas? Here's a great place to start -- http://www.coolmomscare.org or http://www.coolpeoplecare.org.

Do something nice today for a perfect stranger.

Tagged . . .

Places You Go Over and Over and Over Again
Chestnut Grove Middle School (twice a day), Food Lion, the gas station, church.

Who Sends You Email
my daughter-in-law, my sister-in-law and my aunt.

Favorite Places to Eat
CHILI'S, CHILI'S, CHILI'S. There are probably a couple others, but CHILI'S is it hands down.

Where Would You Rather Be
Besides in my hubby's arms -- Jamaica, in my hubby's arms!

TV Shows You Watch Over and Over and Over Again
Friends, Designing Women, ER.

Least Favorite Thing to Do
Cleaning House. If I could have one indulgence in this world, it would be a maid. I hate housework. I absolutely have to make myself clean every week.

So Alone and So Missing Him

My sweet, adorable hubby has been on the road since Oct 1st. He's due back around the 10th. I cannot wait. I talk to him several times a day and send him sexy text messages, but it's not the same. I miss him so desperately. I try not to cry (especially around Jacob), but sometimes missing the other half of me is so overwhelming I cannot contain it. Jacob misses him too. He misses the wrestling and tumbling that they do on the living room floor, he misses working alongside him in the pasture, but mostly I think he just misses him being in the house. The safety and security we both feel when he's in the house. You don't realize that feeling until someone is missing.

This new adventure, this new routine is not easy. Lord, Jesus help me to understand, help me to accept, help me to get through it. Keep him safe and bring him home soon.

Speaking Directly To You

Have you ever sat in Sunday School, Wednesday Night Bible Study, Worship Service or anywhere else while the Word of God is being taught and felt every last word being spoken is directed at you and only you?

Well, that's the kind of thing that's been happening to us lately. For the past few weeks as we've sat in various Bible Studies, we have felt very singled out. I suppose every one feels the same way at different times, but for us it has been every single time and very clearly stated. It's funny though neither one of us had talked about it specifically until last night when hubby asked me if there was any one thing in the past few weeks that I felt God saying to me. We both realized quickly that in the past few weeks God's message has been clear -- risk. I'm not talking about us being risky, I'm talking about putting yourself on the line. I don't believe that God expects us to behave or partake in risky behavior, but I do believe that he wants us to put ourselves on the line for him and take a step of faith.

Right now we're not putting ourselves at risk, but we are taking a step of faith. Our lives, our regular routines and what we've known is about to change. We're taking off on a different path, trusting God and waiting on his will to be revealed. We have no clue what he has in store for us -- individually and as a family, but he promises in his word, "I know the plans I have for you."

I hope and pray today you hear God speaking to you and that you follow him with great abandon.

A Season of Trials

As I write this post I can look out the upstairs window and see the seasons changing. Today is dark, breezy and cool. The leaves have begun to fall and it looks as though the world is shedding, transforming herself.

I too, feel my world is shedding and transforming -- into what remains to be seen. Many times here I've mentioned things that are stressing me, worrying me, things that I have no control over. For the past three years our lives have been filled with upheaval and turmoil in many different ways. Some way too painful to write about while others just needed to get out of my head and heart.

The economy has gotten the best of us and we've decided to shut down our construction business. I think hubby is burnt out on it too. Owning your own business takes a lot of time, attention, and constant stroking. Most people think you've got it made -- be your own boss, set your own schedule, and a pool of money to boot. Those of you who own your own businesses know that sentiment is just so not true. So, the process has begun and hubby is looking for employment elsewhere. He has an offer to drive for a service that would allow him some flexibility.

In the midst of the madness is Jacob. My sweet, sweet Jacob. He's feeling the anxiety of change in more ways than one. He's at that age where he's struggling between peers and parents, even with himself. All I can do is reassure him he will be provided for and more than anything that God is in control. I've realized though that even though God is in control, you still have to let go. I'm struggling with that myself.

Even though we believe in God, we believe in his forgiveness, we believe in Christ's sacrifice for us, we still have to let go.

God help me to let go, help me to turn loose of the reins that I've got wrapped in my hands and let go. Help me to trust you and not look back. Help me to take that leap of faith that says it is all in your hands.

Wedding Memories

What a weekend it has been. To say I am exhausted is putting it mildly, but everything went beautifully. The happy couple are honeymooning at Cape Hatteras and keeping a watchful eye on Hurricane Hanna. Here's some photos we captured ourselves.

Rehearsal and Getting Everyone In Place

The Rehearsal Dinner was held at our home (something Zachary had always wanted to do). We decided to do a luau by the pool and it was so pretty. We managed to eat before it got dark. I wish I had some photos after dark when the torches were lit and all the candles. We played beach and caribbean music and it was a wonderful party.

That's Zachary's cousin, Kenneth, straight from Iraq sitting beside him.

My wonderful husband was up at daylight the day of the wedding making chicken skewers with pineapple for the reception. He is absolutely amazing!

Everyone forgot about getting a marriage liscense! There was a mad scramble the first of the week to get Candace's birth certificate fedex and get to the courthouse Friday.The Shelter at our church all decorated and ready to go.

The Reception Table Centerpieces

The Bride Getting Ready with the Help of Bridesmaid Sara

Zachary and Groomsman Jonathan Discuss the Use of Cufflinks

Jacob Gets a Crash Course in Tying a Tie from Dad

The Bridesmaids Bouquets Were Tucked Inside Seashells

The Beach Themed Cake

Zachary with the Bridesmaids and Flower Girl

Finally, here we are with the happy couple along with Zachary's father. It was an absolutely beautiful day and the ceremony was sweet and thougtful. I cried, Jacob lost it totally during the unity sand ceremony and both of Zachary's dads shed some tears as well. All in all the past eight months have been at times enough to drive anyone batty, but in the end they were both happy and that's what counts.

The Getaway!

Precious Jesus, I pray your hands of protection upon these two lives. I pray you will always be the center of their marriage. I pray you will bless their home and future. Thank you for my Christian friends who helped make this wedding a reality. Thank you for placing such wonderful people in my life.

A Day at the Beach

More like many days at the beach! We took a very much needed family vacation and did absolutely nothing for nine days. We played on the beach, swam in the pool, rode around the campgrounds on our swanky golf cart that hubby remodeled. We ate way too much, slept every night like babies, and had a really great time.

Thank you Jesus for downtime. Thank you for allowing us safety in our travels. Thank you for giving us precious time to do nothing and relax.

Now that we are back in the real world it's the final countdown to the wedding. Only 15 days and there is still so much to be done and in the middle of it all -- school starts. So, here I am trying to get Jacob ready to go back to school, trying to spend some quality time with him before it starts, trying to get last minute wedding preps done and wishing I were back on the beach.

Thank you Jesus for chaos. Thank you for being the constant in the midst of chaos.

Who Am I and What Am I Looking For?

Who am I? Some days I look in the mirror and wonder where did that cute girl go. You know the one who was razor thin and looked good in everything. The one who had jet black hair (naturally) and not a gray in sight. Well, she's grown up a bit. I'm no longer razor thin, but give me an hour and I clean up pretty well. The hair's lighter to cover the gray, but with that gray comes loads of hindsight and wisdom.

What am I looking for? I'm looking for a day, one full day, sun up to sundown that is entirely peaceful. I'm looking for a way to make everyone in my house happy and smiling all at the same time. I'm looking for a miracle cure that will make my little furbaby, Shadow, calm and relaxed. I'm looking for the ability to be in more than one place at a time.

I'm so thankful that I serve a Saviour who doesn't care who I am and is the answer to what I'm looking for. More and more every day I become more dependent on Him. More and more every day I sense His spirit and desire to please Him.

So, who am I? I'm a daughter of the King and what am I looking for? My father, bursting through the clouds and calling my name!

Fishy Business

This past weekend we loaded up the camper and moved to Claytor Lake! My mother's extended family has a reunion every year at the lake and it always gives us a chance to catch up with aunts, uncles, cousins from all over the states. My mother's family is huge and we've scattered to every corner of the world.

Sunday, Jacob and his daddy went fishing with my cousin-in-law, Roger, and just after 10 o'clock I got a phone call -- "come quick over to Roger's and bring the camera."

My little fisherman!

My little fisherman bested them both!

Oh Jesus, so much to be thankful for. I praise you for time spent enjoying one another, sweet fellowship, hugs and kisses, old stories told over and over, memories of loved ones gone on, the laughter of children drenching each other in a water balloon fight, the laughter of adults joining in and forgetting their age. I praise you for the beauty of the weekend and your mercy over each of us. Help us to remember our true calling -- to be fisher's of men!

Showers of Blessings

My sister graciously hosted my soon to be daughter-in-law's bridal shower this past Saturday. We had a huge turnout and she received a wonderful selection of gifts. Zachary stopped by near the end and seemed to be very happy. Here's a look at the beautiful day.

The Big Bang!

In the past few years the 4th hasn't exactly turned out as I had planned. Let's see, three years ago we planned a huge family pool party at our home and it rained, rained, rained. Two years ago, we planned a huge family pool party and ended up having to cancel. My mother had eye surgery and we ended up traveling to their home and caring for her. She got very sick on the 4th and ended up in the emergency room all night. Last year, we again planned a huge family pool party and it turned out really great -- for awhile. The weather was great, everyone came and we had lots of fun, but late in the afternoon my baby boy, Jacob, came over and laid down next to me and said he wasn't feeling well. As the evening progressed he felt worse and complained of his stomach hurting. He eventually ended up having emergency surgery.

This year we are again planning the huge family pool party. The weather forecast is for 90's and sunny. Jacob is away this year in Philadelphia. Mommy is going to cry most of the day, but maybe, just maybe through my tears I'll get to see fireworks this year.

Pulling at the Heart Strings

This blog has become an outlet for my thoughts and feelings about parenting, life and marriage. So many times I've written about my struggles with parenting two boys -- two very different boys both in age and personality. I know very well that no two children are ever the same, but my two boys are so different that I wonder how on earth it happened.

I am missing them both today for two very different reasons. Jacob is away in Philadephia on his first mission trip. He left yesterday at 4 a.m. He texted me on and off most of the way and seemed to be a little homesick and anxious. He called around 11:00 last night and sounded some better. Hubby and I prayed for him and are hoping that today he's busy and feeling better. We haven't heard from him, but they do keep them quite busy, which is a good thing. Jacob is my ever present sidekick in life right now and I miss him tremendously. His personality is a lot like mine -- he's open, mouthy, loud, sweet, compassionate and stronger than me. He has a streak of determination a mile wide and a smile that lights up the world. I pray for Jacob this week "to see his faith with new eyes, to deepen his relationship with his Saviour, to find happiness in helping others, to have fun and make sweet memories."

I'm missing Zachary for much different reasons. Zachary is right here in the same city as me, but further away than Jacob is physically. Zachary is smart, so smart that he has always amazed me. He's moody and hard to approach. He's has the most amazing blue eyes and sometimes a boyish charm about him. Right now though he is struggling. I've known it for a long time and I'm powerless to do anything about it. No matter what I say or do I can't reach him. I spend hours praying the same prayer, "Lord, protect my child from harm, protect the people around him, help him to see where he's at in his life and reach out to you, bring him to his knees, please, please spare his life."

Nothing in this world can pull at our heart strings like our children. Nothing brings more happiness to us or more sadness than a child. The days spent raising them from the moment they are placed in our arms seem so difficult. We often think if I can just get them potty trained, if I can just get them in school, thru school, thru college, married, independent. The truth is we move from phase to phase, but it never really ends. We spend the rest of our lives raising them. We spend the rest of our lives hoping, praying that their lives will turn out alright.

I know my God is capable. He is capable where I fail, where I cannot reach, where I cannot go, he is capable. My children were loaned to me, but they are God's forever. I trust my Lord to be their parent, I trust my Lord for his will is divine. I trust my Lord to comfort my mother's heart, to wipe away my tears, my fears. My God is capable of anything.

Adding to the Clan -- Yet Again

We've officially added another member to our ever expanding clan! My youngest nephew's latest addition arrived this afternoon (one week early). Little Aniston weighed in at 6 lbs. 11 oz. My sister has now become granny twice in a month with the arrival of two little girls. YEAH!

Thank you Jesus for Aniston's safe arrival. I pray your arms of protection around Aaron, Jamie and big brother Bryson and they become a family of four.

Summertime Blues

Summertime is supposed to be long and drawn out. You spend days on end lounging by the pool and hoping it doesn't rain. It seems to me that every summer ends up being hurried and frantic. Every year I say this summer we're going to do nothing for two months and -- it never happens. Again, this year I had every intention of doing as little as possible and again I feel like I've failed. I hope to change that (at least a little) in the coming days and maybe, just maybe, by the time Jacob returns from his mission trip things will be under control.

Part of me is excited for this trip and for him and the other part of me (the big, weepy mommy part) is NOT. I want him to have the experience and he is really excited to go, but it's so far from me. Eight to ten hours from me. He's never been that far before. When we signed up back in January I was all for this trip, now I gotta say it, I'm dreading it just a little. I could have signed up as a chaperone, but hubby and I talked about it and decided that it would be a great opportunity for Jacob to see his faith as separate from ours -- to take ownership of it and use it. It sounds great doesn't it? How come I'm having such second thoughts?

Lord and Saviour, my heavenly Father, give me peace about this trip. Help Jacob to engage in opportunities to use his faith and to have a great time. Help me to let go and allow you to be his Father as I should. Help him to recognize you in those he meets and open himself up to your will for his life.

Life's Little Lessons

Sometimes I wonder exactly how I am usable by God. I mean I'm no saint! I'm not out there in the public working every day. I'm just a stay at home mom who sometimes can be quite lazy! So many other people are such blessings to me that I sometimes wonder about my usefulness.

Well, God has certainly placed opportunities by the boatloads the past couple of weeks. I'm so thankful that I've been able to spend time with my new grandneice. She is a really beautiful child and such a sweet, sweet baby. It's also given me the chance to get to know Treva better and to, I hope, be helpful to her. She's doing much better and is now able to move around in the house. I've also been keeping my husband's grandmother this week while his mother is away at the beach on a much earned vacation. I've really enjoyed spending time with her. She's a godly woman and we've had some wonderful conversations about how God has been with her over the years and worked in her life. Since we've been confined at home alot, Jacob and I have spent a great deal of time entertaining each other. We've done alot of little jobs around the house and played some games, but it's also given me time to just talk to him. Unfortunately, I haven't seen hubby as much as I'd like and we all know how much I love spending time with him, but I know after this week Jacob will be going on his mission trip and hubby and I will have many evenings to ourselves. I'm looking forward to that.

I guess the lessons I've learned the past few days have been about slowing down and listening to people. Listening to those around me who just need someone to vent to, someone to love them, someone to show them some kindness. It's all about time and what we do with that time that honors our Lord.

Lord, I can't thank you enough for the opportunities you've placed in front of me the past few days. Thank you for allowing me to give back to those in need. Thank you for giving me precious time with my son. Thank you for using me.

The Pool is Finished!

We managed to get the last coat of sealer on our pool over the weekend and the new patio furniture put out. It looks so great. We had a fabulous time yesterday (Father's Day) with our family. We grilled steaks (good ole Red) and swam all afternoon. It was nice to spend time with my dad and also watch my husband with our boys. How blessed I am to have two godly men in my life. They are both my heroes.

Sweet Baby Blessings

Well, we have officially added to our clan. My sister's oldest son and his wife finally, finally had their baby girl Monday morning. She's a whopper! Nine pounds, 11 ounces. She's a real beauty and such a delicious, sweet thing. Welcome home Reagan Leigh!

Unfortunately, mommy is not doing well and is having to stay in the hospital. It seems that during childbirth her pelvis was cracked. How dreadfully painful. Right now the hospital is working with them to keep little Reagan in the room with her mommy and everyone is taking turns staying so mommy and baby are not separated. Since the baby has been officially discharged the nursing staff cannot assist in taking care of her in any way. So, someone has to be with Treva at all times since she cannot walk. They are giving her some therapy and teaching her how to move about using a walker and cane. It's going to be a little difficult for awhile, but little Reagan is healthy and happy.

We thank you and praise you Lord for bringing little Reagan into our lives. Jesus, more than anything we just pray for your healing hands to be upon Treva. Lord, we pray that you will be with Scott as he tries to be nurse, daddy, husband and provider during this time. As each of us step up to help out, help us to remember to be considerate and compassionate. We ask that you keep them in the palm of your hand and bring them all home soon.

Before and After

Since decorative concrete is something we do, we finally decided to do some decorative concrete at our house. Finally! For the past couple of weeks we've been working on our garage. It had a few cracks and had really become quite an eyesore. So, we decided to colorflake it. It turned out really pretty. Jacob and I painted the block. (If you click on the photos you can see the colorflake better. )

My hubby is so talented! Next up is the pool, the front stoop and sidewalks.

Life Changes

I am always amazed at how God works in our lives. For the past couple of years we've been searching, waiting and praying for God to reveal some direction in our business life. Ten years ago we started Crown Concrete Construction http://www.crownconcreteconstruction.com/index.php with our brother-in-law and a friend. God blessed and the company has been prosperous, but as is the case when more than one person is involved, each has their own ideas. While our two partners are wonderful guys and even more wonderful friends, they have never been interested in the business side. So, it's time to part ways. In the coming weeks we will be buying our two partners out and restructuring the company. As always we asked God for a neon sign and he provided it. We were certain that the sign would be for us to sell (maybe even hoping), but he has revealed to us this is the right path for us at this time. The great thing is that there are no hard feelings between family and friends. Isn't God awesome! Life is about to change as I'll be working more for hubby and helping him as much as I can.

Lord, your wisdom, guidance and will is our ultimate goal. Keep us in the palm of your hand, guide us daily, hourly and never let us lose sight of your son.

School Stress, Home Stress, Business Stress, Everywhere You Look . . . Stress

To say that life is busy here would be an understatement. EOG's are this week and that always brings a tremendous amount of stress into our home. This year, thankfully, Jacob seems a little calmer. I hope he does well. Adding to the school stress is the Board of Education wanting to redistrict the high school lines which would affect Jacob. None of us are crazy about the idea of moving him into a different high school district. I can understand the over population problem in our current school, but to move kids this late in the game is extremely detrimental to them.

On top of that we've been approached about selling our business. For some time we've been praying earnestly about God's will for our lives and feeling that we're being called to move in other directions. We've worked and built this business from the ground up and always intended one day for our children to run it. Case in point -- we intended. So, here we are -- praying, searching and praying some more for our eyes and hearts to be opened to God's will and way for us. At this moment we are completely unsure of our next steps, but we are willing to go where he wants us and do what he places before us. Those of you who read this please commit us to your prayers. Simply pray for God's will in our lives to be revealed.

Part of me is stressed beyond comprehension right now -- wedding, school, business, life in general -- and yet I feel a sense of peace inside. I know that whatever storms blow into our lives, God is and always will be there to direct our paths. It sounds so easy to follow God and in reality it is one of the hardest things we do. Mostly because sometimes God asks us to step out of our comfort zone and into the fire. Sometimes, he asks us to do things we don't want to do -- help someone we don't want to help, move somewhere we don't want to go and so on. When we fail to follow him we miss the sweetest rewards and blessings. My desire is to not miss a moment of the ride.

Sweet, sweet Jesus -- give us the wisdom and discernment to know without a doubt your true and perfect will for our lives.

New Life

I'm so glad to finally see warmer weather here to stay. We've been working around the house and this morning I cleaned the nasty garage out and started getting the floor ready for hubby to colorflake. After that we're going to stamp the pool deck. School is down to the last weeks (thank goodness) and summer is on the way! The wedding is getting closer and there's still so much to do. Life is busy and full.

Hubby got our baby cradle out of the attic at the office and I cleaned it up this morning as well. It still looks pretty good. Even the bedding looks good. My sister's oldest son and his bride of a year are expecting in a couple of weeks. They already know it's a girl and so this afternoon I'm going to take the cradle over for her to use. This cradle is special. I bought this cradle in a yard sale before my oldest son was even conceived thinking maybe someday. Well, both my boys have slept in it, all of my sister's grandchildren so far have slept in it and someday, hopefully, my grandchildren will sleep in it. It was old when I bought it 23 plus years ago. It actually swings back and forth. I can remember when Jacob was sleeping in it by our bed and my husband (in his sleep) would reach out and push it to keep it moving! What sweet memories came rushing back to me as I cleaned it up this morning. What I wouldn't give to go back in time and hold my baby boys one more time, to smell that sweet baby smell, to snuggle them up against my heart. Yeah, you can tell I've got a brand new teenager and one about to get married! At least soon I'll have a little one to snuggle and not have to be the one up in the middle of the night!!!

Thank you Jesus for new life. How precious it really is. Watch over Scott and Treva and bless them with a healthy baby girl. Thank you for sweet memories and beautiful traditions.

Working for Hubby

Call me crazy! My husband is an absolute gem of a guy. I know I've bragged on him before, but he is really the best husband in the world. So, when he asked if I could help him out this week at work I immediately said yes. The more time I get to spend with him the happier I am. My husband owns a small concrete construction company. Remember that really huge job the Lord blessed us with back in January? Well, the job is almost complete and down to the cleaning up stages. I've been helping with that -- cleaning up the jobsite (which is huge), helping him parge the walls (not something you ever want to do because it involves getting very, very dirty). I've worked the past two days and plan to work again on Friday. I'm not complaining because the Lord really blessed us with this job, just pray that I'm able to remain upright!!!

Lord, thank you for your many blessings. Give me strength to finish this task. Thank you for the opportunity to work alongside my husband.

The Engagement Photo

Birthdays and Family

I can hardly believe my little "booger butt" is turning 13 this week. What an absolute joy this child has been in my life. We've partied up a storm all weekend. We've probably overdone it, but heck 13 is a milestone. Friday night we had a wonderful time midnight bowling with Jacob and his cousin and Zach and Candi. It was a lot of fun to just relax with our family and laugh. Saturday Jacob and Brandon hung out all day and played while Zach and Candi and I worked on wedding stuff. Sunday we had everyone over for ice cream and cake and the house was packed full. Kids everywhere!

Thank you Jesus for such a wonderful weekend of family, fun and fellowship. Thank you for two amazing boys. Thank you for the joy and fulfillment they bring us. Thank you for extended family. Looking around the room yesterday it was such a blessing to see each and every face.

Somebody Slow the Wheel Down So I Can Get On!

Getting behind is what happens when you spend the last two weeks in bed. I had no idea that my little dental surgery would cause so much trouble. Once my mouth did begin to feel better, I was blessed with one of those horrible, horrible migraines that stays for days on end. I am now better and trying desperately to get caught up.

The wedding plans are now moving at a faster pace. The gown has arrived and is safely tucked away in our closet. There are so many things to do. The most important thing right now is that the relationship between us and our son has improved. He's made an effort and so have we. There is still an underlying tension with her family, but God is able!

In the midst of the wedding planning, I'm also trying to plan something for Jacob's 13th birthday. I can't believe he is turning 13 already. Jacob is such a sweet, wonderful child. He's given me such joy.

The upstairs air conditioner stopped working yet again! The system is only six years old and we have spent a fortune on it. I truly believe it was a lemon from the beginning. I've been discussing the situation with the dealer and manufacturer this week and hoping to get a reasonable solution. We'll see.

Our friend, Ricardo, from Honduras is in town for the next month. It will be good to see him and spend some time with him. There is a list of items on my to do list and not enough time in the day. Like now, it's time to get Jacob and swing by the orthodontist.

Lord Jesus, thank you for the blessings, for the answered prayers. Thank you for mended relationships and sweet, sweet friends.

Feeling Better

This morning is the first morning that I have felt better. Thank you Jesus! I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. I'm going to see my regular dentist this morning and make sure everything looks okay. I'm still having alot of pain and my teeth are extremely sensitive, but it is better than it was.

It's time to get back into the swing of things as many projects are now piling up. The wedding planning is moving along, but there is still a bunch to be done. Jacob's 13th birthday is this month and I've gotta get an idea for his gift.

Even though I've spent several days confined to the house and feeling pretty lousy, I still thank God for those days. Those are the days that the Lord has our undivided attention. Sometimes I think he puts us on our backs just so we have to look up.

Feeling Yucky!

While we were at the beach I cracked a tooth and had it surgically removed last week. That's the way us wimps get a tooth pulled. It costs so much more, but for me it is totally worth it. It was beginning to hurt so I was glad to get it done. Unfortunately, I've been in more pain since having the tooth removed. So, today I'm going back to the surgeon to see if something is wrong or if something else is now going on. I've practically gone through a bottle of pain pills over the weekend. Nausea has set it now and I am really feeling yucky. On top of that guess what time of the month it is? I am so lucky right now.

Lord Jesus, I just ask that your hands of healing and comfort be on me.

Dreaming of Weddings

In the past couple of weeks I have learned to accept that my little boy is getting married. We've even managed to begin working toward a new relationship. So, with that said -- the wedding planning and shopping has begun. Last weekend Candace, her mother, Sara (one of the bridesmaids) Terri (my sweet, sweet friend) and I spent the day shopping for the reception tables. Several hours later -- SUCCESS. We found beautifully tinted hurricane vases and ivory candles to go inside. I have to say they are gorgeous. These will be handed off to my very dear friends (Clint and Darshan) to create the table centerpieces. Finally, something is checked off my list.

We're taking a break from weddings, jobs, housework, etc. for a few days. We're loading up the camper and heading to the beach! YEAH! I can't wait. Five days of uninterrupted time with two of my favorite people. Thank you Jesus! Of course, the dog's going too -- nothing's perfect.

Trust

Wow, I was scrolling back through this blog and thinking "man, I really need to lighten up!" I realize for all the little prayers I've prayed, I'm still not trusting God's will for my life. I'm obsessing over everything and holding on to it like it was gold. The truth is for the past 2 to 2 1/2 years our lives have been in constant turmoil and struggle. Why? What is it that God's trying to teach us? I keep asking this question and saying it can't just be about trust -- it has to be something more major, but maybe that is exactly what it's all about. Trusting someone you can't physically see or touch is mind blowing, allowing them complete control over your life is almost unfathomable.

Have you ever thought about people who get caught up in cults and follow these zealous leaders to their death? They have mind blowing trust -- even though it's misplaced -- it's still mind blowing trust. So why is it that I can't seem to let go of the reins? I can look back over my life and I can pinpoint places where God has provided in amazing and miraculous ways.

In 1989 I had a 3 year old child and a husband who left. Just walked out the door and said, "I don't love you anymore and I don't want to be a husband and father right now." Granted our relationship had never been stable, but we were still married and connected. So, here I was a very young mother, with a small child and completely on my own. Then a short time later (on Zach's 4th birthday) a tornado struck the mobile home we were living in (while we were home) and totally destroyed it. We were very blessed to only have cuts and bruises, but we lost everything we had -- clothes, toys, everything. The only thing we walked away with were the clothes we had on and Zachary's beloved "blankie" which he never put down except to take a bath, and our lives. In the span of a few weeks I lost my family, my home and my possessions. It was a horrible time in my life and I never thought I would recover. I remember telling a Christian counselor I was seeing at the time that I just wanted my life back.

I can't imagine having that life back now. You see God provided what was best for me. He spared my life and the life of my child, he got me out of a mobile home I couldn't afford to pay for, he reconnected me with my immediate family, and then eventually he gave me a new family -- a wonderful husband and another son, he also gave me a brand new home.

I couldn't see that 19 years ago. I want to see it today! I want to trust him with my life. I want every fiber of me to let go and let God. Even when the answer is NO, even when he shuts the door on my pursuits, even when my heart is breaking into a million pieces, I want to trust him completely.

Okay, it's still heavy stuff, but my heart's a little lighter!

Honduras Missions

If you ever think of supporting a mission organization, please consider this one. http://www.mercyandgraceministries.org/

My husband and I have been to Honduras several times. The people there are some of the most faithful you'll ever find. Our friend, Ricardo, is the team leader of Mercy and Grace Ministries there. We met Ricardo back in 2002 and he has become a treasured family friend. Ricardo will be in the US the latter part of April to the first of May to speak in churces, organizations (anywhere the Lord leads) about the ongoing ministry in Honduras and how you can be a part of it. If you get the opportunity to hear this man's powerful testimony -- GO! I can assure you you will be amazed.

Trauma

Yesterday was a day of trauma for my sweet, young son. After completing the writing test with a prompt he felt pretty good about -- he and two of his buds were taking the trash out for their teacher. The two buds started horseplaying and one thing led to another and ended with one of them getting their finger severed. How my child was not involved in the actual accident is just one of life's little miracles. Normally, he would be in the thick of it, but this time he said he just fell back and started walking back to the school building. Some might say a stroke of luck, but I say the Holy Spririt held him back. By the time he got to the door everything was covered in blood. He had the presence of mind to keep the blood off of him, but to also get the boy to stop moving and his hand on the pressure point to slow the flow of blood and started screaming for help. (Apparently Jacob is paying attention in science class!) The paramedics were there quite quickly and rushed his friend to the hospital. I talked with the father this morning and they were able to reattach his finger. There is still the possibility he could loose it, but right now everything looks good. Unfortunately his other friend was suspended pending a full investigation. How sad for all involved that simple child's play ended so tragically. Of course, it presents opportunities for all to learn lessons and for parents to talk with their children about wise choices.

It feels like my little baby has had a rough go of it lately. It reminds me as a parent that you can't protect them all the time. You can't put bubbles around them. You have to entrust them to God. After all they are only on loan to us.

Lord Jesus, help me to be a good parent. Help me to guide Jacob in your promises. Give me the right words to encourage him and to comfort him. Lord, I pray your presence over his two friends and their families. I pray for your comfort and healing both physically and emotionally for all.

The Writing Test

It's an anxious time at our house right now. The State Writing Test (mandatory for 4th, 7th and 10th graders) is tomorrow. My beautiful and normally laid back child's anxiety level is through the roof right now. Jacob is required to pass this stupid test since he is a 7th grader. He's been practicing quite a bit and even took some tutoring classes, but since his learning disability incorporates reading and writing this test is extremely difficult for him. We are praying earnestly that he will be able to complete this test and receive a passing score.

I heard a speech by Hillary Clinton this past Saturday. Normally I do not listen to campaign speeches. I truly detest politics, but I was doing some things in my kitchen and had the TV tuned to Fox News. She was campaigning in Texas, I believe. Anyways she started talking about education and what she wanted to do if elected. What caught my attention was the No Child Left Behind remarks. Her intentions are to dismantle this absurdly ridiculous program. She needn't say more. She's got my vote. I think the NCLB program is the most damaging program in our educational system. I don't disagree that our children and schools need safeguards in place to make sure we are educating them, but this program doesn't do that. What it does do is increase stress levels on kids, teachers, and parents to epic proportions. Every spring I watch my child experience various degrees of meltdowns (and I know for fact that he is not the only one) in order to survive testing season. If your child is in a gateway year, they learn basically nothing, but how to take a test that entire school year. Our educators are pushed to the limit in order to meet the lofty goals set up by the state. I have no idea what her other ideas are -- universal healthcare, college tuitions, foreign policies -- who knows? All I heard is what I've been waiting to hear for years -- someone finally willing to change something I personally care about.

Lord, I so pray for calm heads to prevail in order for Jacob to pass this test. I pray for his ability to concentrate and his ability to get his thoughts onto the paper. And, I pray that as in the past he will be able to say -- Jesus take the pencil!

Weight Loss Update

To say I'm a little frustrated is completely true! I've lost 14 pounds since starting my new healthy eating lifestyle. (I hate calling it a diet.) That's 2 pounds less than my goal for the month. I suppose that's not exactly bad since January was a stellar month, but of course I'm dwelling on the 2 pounds instead of the 14. Figures. My clothes are definitely much looser and I am now wearing size 8 jeans. YEAH!!! I've got a ways to go yet and I am committed. I heard a great tip the other day (from the actress Valerie Bertinelli) add weights when walking. She had this neat vest that you could add weights to. Apparently it tricks the body into thinking you are heavier and it burns more calories. So, since I'm at one of those plateaus I'm going to add some weights and see what happens. Another tip I heard -- change your eating times. If you eat your heaviest meal in the evening, change it up. I'm willing to try it and see.

Lord, thank you for my victories. Continue to encourage me in my weaknesses.

A-Hah Moments

God has a way of speaking to us at the most unpredictable times. When that happens don't you just feel special? Sometimes, we forget that God is right there sitting next to us by the computer, watching TV, eating supper, driving down the road. We forget that we can just talk up a storm and he listens to every word. He knows every thought, every choice long before we make it. He also knows our hearts the good and the bad. He knows when we hurt and put on a brave face, he knows when we are exhausted and have nothing else to give. I imagine sometimes during this difficult time with my son, that when I've buried my face in my pillow sobbing that he's lying next to me with his arms of love wrapped tightly around me and whispering softly in my ear, "all will be well my child, trust me."

Our a-hah moment came Saturday night watching a movie. Jacob had asked for some time to rent Evan Almighty. We had watched Bruce Almighty and while it has a feel good story and plot some of the scenes were just a little tasteless, so I was leary of the sequel. But, my parents had went to spend Saturday night with my sister and hubby suggested we go to the video store and we came home with the movie. First of all, it's a really good movie and the story is fabulous. When Evan is finally talking with God he asks the question we all ask -- why me? In that reply came this precious jewel -- "when people pray for patience, I don't just make them patient, I give them opportunities to be patient, and when families pray for love, I don't just make them suddenly lovey-dovey, (here it is . . . ) I give them opportunites to love each other." I can't begin to tell you how that line affected the three of us. All three of us (hubby, me and youngest son) got it at the same time and the tears began to flow. Alot of things became clear to each of us. We each realized that during this time we've not been faultless, we've made mistakes and mishandled things as well.

I can't say that everything is hunky dorie with Zachary and Candace right now, but I can say that on this end and in this home things and feelings have changed. Instead of praying God fix them, we are now praying God fix us and give us opportunities to love. That doesn't mean you give them everything they ask for, it means you love them like they've never been loved before. You love them like Jesus loves us -- wholly, completely and passionately. Hallelujah, thank you Jesus, and pass the popcorn!

Parents and Grandparents

The parents are coming to visit. Jacob is always excited to see his "Mommaw and Poppaw." Of course like any grandchild he knows that once they are on the premises he gets away with murder. Grandparents amaze me. As parents everything was a no, do your homework, go clean your room and you (missy) are grounded, but as grandparents everything is yes, he can do it later, he's just a kid and don't be so uptight (missy). I suppose that's why grandparents are so much fun.

I was always crazy about my maternal grandparents. My grandmother actually had a beer joint/dance hall/boarding house and during the day it was so much fun to explore. At night all of us grandkids were sent to the living quarters and not allowed downstairs, but we always found a way to spy on the adults. Eventually my grandmother gave up the business and my mother cared for her during her later years. She died on my 32nd birthday. Her name was Daisy. My grandfather was a coal miner and a pretty strict man with everyone except me. I'll bet all of his grandchildren would say the same thing about him. He died when I was 10 and I remember my mother was heartbroken. I remember my father picking my mother up and carrying her to their room. I remember standing in the doorway and watching my father hold my mother as she sobbed and whispering softly in her ear words that were only for her. What love. I never knew my paternal grandparents. My paternal grandfather, Jecco, came from Bulgaria to the US in 1914 and won my grandmother, who was a Cherokee Indian, in a poker game. Jecco spoke nine languages, but English was not one of them. My father says this is where my gypsy spirit comes from. My need to explore and travel and my ability to pick up and move on a dime. I wish I had had the opportunity to meet them both. What characters they must've been.

I am so thankful that my children have had the oppotunities to know their grandparents. I am especially thankful that my own parents are still with me and that they are godly parents. Every time I hear my father pray, even if it's only the blessing before a meal, I realize I am blessed.

So, I'm looking forward to a good weekend filled with family fun, lots of laughter and a generous helping of love and of course, the usual family drama!

Much About Nothing

I've lost 13 pounds so far and for the past week have been pretty much holding steady. I guess I've got my work cut out for me this week -- meaning I'm going to have to up the exercise routine. I'm so darn lucky!

We spent the weekend working around the house (cutting back plants and cleaning). We did manage to go look for a new sofa sectional and finally found one we could both agree on. We love our old sectional. It's in our family room and we love nothing better than piling up on it and watching a good movie. Our youngest son is in the youth group at church and teens love to pile up on it too. So, I hope our new sectional brings us as much joy as the old one has.

Jacob and his brother are still not talking, but I have had a couple of conversations with Zachary. God is working and I'm doing my best to wait upon the Lord.

I've been battling a migraine for several days now and I think it is about to win. The dog is challenging my patience and I have no ideas for supper tonight. I can definitely tell it's Monday.

Lord Jesus, give me the patience to wait upon you and your timing, give me patience with my family and even the silly dog. Thank you for lifting me up when I'm down.

Love Is In the Air . . .

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day -- one of my most favorite holidays. I remember being in grade school and getting those sweet, little valentines. What a wonderful feeling! Okay, okay I am a hopeless romantic. It's a good thing I married one.

Tomorrow will be our 16th wedding anniversary. We got married in a little chapel (I was working for a church at the time.) with all our close friends and family. My then six-year-old son, Zachary, walked me down the aisle and stood beside us while we took our vows. After we said our vows, my sweet husband turned to Zachary and pledged his love to him, told him he could never replace his father, but he would always take care of him and would always treat him as his own. What woman doesn't go weak in the knees watching her man with her child? He has always held true to that pledge too. Even after Jacob was born he's never showed a difference in them. Even now, with things as strained as they are, he continues to support both of them. What a lucky woman I am.

Oh, Lord Jesus thank you for my blessings. Thank you for placing the most loving man in my life. Thank you for the difficulties we've faced both in the past and even now, because they have made us more dependent on you. Most importantly, thank you Jesus for being my ultimate valentine.

Friends . . . One of God's Greatest Blessings

I'm so blessed to have such wonderful Christian friends. God has placed such dear, sweet friends in our path and knowing they are our prayer warriors during this difficult time with Zachary is such a comfort.

If you have the opportunity to be a friend -- be it. You never know when an encouraging word will boost someone's spirits. Most of the time people just need to know that someone else has been where they are, that someone else understands and will take the time to pray on their behalf. What a wonderful gift. It doesn't cost you a dime -- just a moment of your time.

Thank you Jesus for the sweet friendships in my life. Help me to recognize when others are in need and show me opportunities when I can be the friend.

The Lord has certainly been at work in our business life as well. My husband owns a construction company and with the economy strained work has been slow. He's been working on a commerical bid and Friday we got the news that we landed the contract. It's a large job and will keep our crews busy for the next couple of months or maybe more. (They've actually added some work to the original bid!) What an awesome God we serve. In the past 10 years that we've been in business he has always supplied our need.

Lord, I just praise you for knowing exactly what we need and when we need it. I praise you for the joy and hope in our lives through the good and the bad.

Lighter and Lighter

I'm 13 pounds lighter today. I have a confession though -- I absolutely hate that spinning cycle. You burn calories faster than the treadmill, but it hurts my tush and wears me out. I'm committed to using it, but I don't have to like it!

Thank you Jesus for the weight loss (slow moving as it is) and for the stamina to keep at it.

Jacob is finally eating a little better. I'm very proud of him so far he's taking very good care of his braces and brushing after meals. Yesterday he said, "I have to get in line after lunch at school for the bathroom sink. There are five of us cleaning braces!" At least they are actually cleaning them!

Unfortunately, Jacob and his brother are still on the outs. I have spoken to Zachary and I truly believe that he has lost his mind or at least the rational part of it. Someone came to me yesterday and told me that if he doesn't stop calling Candace at work they are going to fire her. This would be the second job she's lost because of phone issues.

Lord, I plead with you to intervene in this relationship. I pray for your protection to surround my son. I pray for mercy on his behalf.

Braces, Cows and Weight Loss

Another weigh in day. Another pound down. I hate the slow moving scale, but at least it is moving. YEAH!!!

Poor little Jacob got his braces yesterday and is miserable. I remember how sore my mouth was years ago and I feel for him. Nowadays they put colored bands in their mouth (if they want) so he chose carolina blue and white. One of his best friends since elementary school was in the chair next to him and got his braces on as well. That was kinda neat and made the experience a little less anxious for both of them. I loaded him up on Motrin this morning so hopefully it will last through the day.

Saturday we got a new calf to replace ole Red. He's a black angus and just as cute as can be. Since Jacob was getting his braces on this week, Hubby grilled some steaks Sunday and they were soooo tender and delicious. Yes, it was Red! I only had a small piece since I'm watching what I eat, but it was good. Yes, I know this was the same cow I was crying over a few weeks ago, but this is the reason we have them. I just have to stay away from the calf.

I'm off today to get my nails done and a little bit of pampering. We all need that every once in a while.

Lord help me to be joyful and thankful for all that I have.

Poundage Lost

Well, today is the last day of January and I've done fairly well for my first month not dieting, but eating healthy. I've lost 10.5 pounds and a few inches. We added a spinning cycle last weekend to our exercise room. (We could open a gym at this point and charge for memberships!) At least we are using the equipment. One night I spin and the next night I treadmill and every night I do the ab thingy. It's actually been kinda nice because it gives hubby and I 45 minutes together in the same room and we've taken advantage of that time to discuss household stuff, parenting stuff, etc. which makes the time fly by. I'm sleeping better (thank goodness) and a little more energetic. YEAH!

We went to the orthodontist yesterday and Jacob will have his braces put on Monday. I think he's a little anxious about it, but fortunately several students in the 7th grade class have had them put on here recently. They're all going to the same ortho too! Ka-Ching!

The dog is off to the groomer today and both Jacob and I have hair appointments this afternoon. I guess we'll all have new dos tonight. The dog really needs it -- she is really shaggy. Of course her anxiety level will rise to epic proportions and she'll pout and hide most of the evening. She is definitely in the right house.

A Boy and His Dog

I've come to the conclusion that it is true about a boy and his dog. They are best friends and inseparable. Our dog, Shadow, drives me nuts. She's moody and a frequent challenge for me, but to Jacob, she's a buddy and pal. We've had this dog since last July and my husband and I really thought that the newness would wear off and eventually Jacob would grow tired of the dog. Not so! He comes in from school every day and that dog goes nuts. She follows him around and he plays with her all the time. We're constantly telling him to put the dog down. He rolls around on the floor with her, chases her throughout the house and talks to her like she's human.(Okay, I talk to her like she's human too! She's actually a pretty good listener.)

Last night we hosted our supper six group and I came upstairs to check on Jacob and there he is playing a game on the computer with Shadow in his lap. Both of them staring at the computer screen calculating there next move. Buddies forever.

Last fall our church got the idea to break our congregation into couples of three (Supper Six) and for three months you have dinner together. Each couple takes a month and hosts dinner at their home one night. The hosting couple prepares a meat dish and one couple brings the vegetable and one couple brings the dessert. The idea is to focus on the fellowship and getting to know one another and not the meal itself. Couples sign up and they try to put together couples that are not as familiar with one another. Our group has an older couple with grown children and grandchildren, the other couple are young marrieds with an infant and us who are kinda in the middle. It's been a great concept and we've enjoyed getting to know each other better. February will be our final month together and we'll sign up again and get to know two new couples beginning in March. It's a very creative way to break down barriers and really spend time getting to know somone you may only see at church. It really builds bonds within our church and opens us up to make new friendships. I'm thankful for the opportunity to explore new relationships.

Father, I just want to praise you for placing people in our lives and giving us opportunities to connect with other Christians. I thank you too for my son and his love for his dog. I see in him a compassion for other living beings and a simple happiness.

Weight Loss Update

Another Tuesday, another weigh in day. I've lost an additional 2.5 pounds for a total of 9.5 pounds on my weight loss journey. Yipee! My goal was eight pounds per month so I'm overjoyed with my results thus far. Just 28.5 to go. My biggest challenge thus far -- giving up Pepsi.

Thank you Lord for giving me the stamina and discipline on this journey. Help me to be more patient with my results.

Winter Days

This month marks 27 years that I have lived in NC. I am originally from WV. Part of the reason I moved south was to get away from snow -- at least a lot of snow. I absolutely hate being cold and wet. I'd love to live in Jamaica. We spent a week in Montego Bay a couple of years ago and I would sell everything to go live there. I know living in Jamaica is quite different from staying a week in a resort. We had the opportunity to go outside the resort area several times on excursions and we really fell in love with the people and culture. Of course living in the good ole USA definitely has its advantages.

So, while looking out my window and seeing a carpet of white dotted with mud, I'm dreaming of warm sand and crystal blue water, a tropical breeze and the sound of waves crashing, children laughing, calypso music and a poolside massage. (Please don't wake me!)

Back to the real world! Jacob was supposed to have his molds and paperwork done yesterday in preparation for his braces. They were closed so it has been put off for another 2 weeks. Tomorrow Candace's mother is coming and we are off to look for a wedding dress. She and I went Wednesday to Southern Bride and she picked two. At least we've got an idea of the style of dress. I pray this weekend goes better than the last one.

The thing is I'm not 100 percent sold on this wedding and maybe as parents we never are. Maybe we forever look at our children as kids and never think they are ready for such a commitment. Of course now a days marriage is a convenience and not a commitment to so many people. Too many couples never really experience the true intimacy of marriage -- knowing your spouse inside and out, trusting them with your innermost thoughts and dreams, waking up every day and falling more deeply in love with them, knowing they aren't perfect and loving them anyway.

Lord, help me this weekend to glorify you in all that I do and say. I pray especially for your will in this wedding and in the lives of Zachary and Candace.

Weighty Issues

Today is weigh-in day again and there is no change. No gains, no losses. To say that I am discouraged and disappointed is an understatement. Seven days of dieting and not cheating and I get nothing. In my defense it is that foul time of the month, but I don't know if it has a bearing or not. My clothes are fitting more loose and that may be due to the exercise -- thirty minutes every day without fail on the treadmill (hey I'm up to a mile and half now) and 200 sit ups on the ab lounger. I've fallen into a pretty good routine of oatmeal for breakfast, a slim fast shake for lunch and a either a lean cuisine, grilled chicken or fish for dinner. So how come no weight loss? Maybe next week I'll see some great improvement. I'm trying to stay focused and optimistic. My resolve to stick it out is pretty high right now, but next week could be another story entirely.

Changing the subject -- Yesterday we loaded up one of our cows (Ole Red) for the slaughter house. I know, I know, how could we! I can hear the vegetarians cringing. I'm right along with you. I have to admit it -- I cried. My husband thinks I'm crazy. Last night I told him that poor old cow trusted you every time you came into the pasture to provide his food and water. The other cows blocked the truck when they got ready to leave. It was a horrible sight. Okay, even I have to say it -- my hormones are running amuck, I'm crying over a cow for goodness sake! Pass the Midol!

Blessings

J.R. and Jacob on Christmas Day at my sister's house.

Sometimes God puts people in our lives that we don't really treasure like we should. That's not the case in my house. In February my husband and I will celebrate 16 years of marriage. It hasn't always been easy. We've had our fair share of bumps along the way, but he has always been and always will be the absolute love of my life. Even after all this time my heart still skips a beat when he walks in that door every evening and the best way to end every day is snuggled up next to him. He is the most devoted father and husband I know and I cherish every moment with him. One of the other blessings in my life is my youngest son, Jacob. Jacob was the biggest shock to us. We were not planning on more children, in fact the doctors said NO, because I have Lupus and having Zachary took an enormous toll on my body. God had other plans and so Jacob came into our lives, prematurely at that, but a fighter none the less. (The NICU nurses called him Rambo because he was so combative.) He carries some learning disabilities with his reading, but other than that he is a healthy and active boy. Jacob is such a joy to be around. He has a compassionate heart and will engage in conversation with anyone. The teen years are only a couple of months around the corner for him and I know his personality may change so I am enjoying each and every moment with him now and praying he will remain true to himself.

Thank you God for the blessings of such wonderful people in my life. Give me the words and actions each and every day to encourage them and be as supportive of them as they are of me.

Weigh In Day

It's been seven days since I started my diet. I hate calling it a diet. I'm trying to incorporate better eating habits and healthier living instead of dieting. I have cut my calorie intake, but mostly I've changed what I eat and when. Apparently it's working because this morning I am 7 pounds lighter than last week. YEAH ME! Of course I realize that half of that is fluid. I've been drinking lots of water and I'm sure that in the coming weeks the loss will be more like 1 to 2 pounds, but I'm encouraged. So, I've only got 31 to go.

Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me will power each day. Thank you for giving me such a supportive husband and son who are willing to take an hour out of their day to exercise with me.

Where Do I Start?

I've got so many to do projects I can't decide on where to start. I want to start a new quilt. The problem is -- it's a creative process for me. I have to create it in my head first and sometimes that just takes awhile. I'm not your ordinary quilter in that I don't do patterns and such. My mother does those, but me I'm a creative quilter. You see a quilt has to have a theme and a meaning for me. I wish I had a photo of the quilt I made for Zachary when he graduated from high school. It was photos of his life, friends, family and these letters from God with wisdom and advice. He's got it on his bed now and he treasures it. I finished one for Jacob about a year ago. It's all about sharks and marine life. He loves sharks and fish. So, the dilemma for me is what do I want this quilt to say. I want to do one for me and my husband simply because I never make them for us.

My other to do item is the wedding of course. Being the mother of the groom is not near as hectic as mother of the bride. Lately, I'm a sounding board -- what do you think of this? how about here? do you know anyone who can? I'm trying my best to keep my mouth shut unless asked and even then be as diplomatic as possible and never ever push a suggestion. I'm beginning to be very thankful that I have boys! I hope they find everything they want and that they have the wedding THEY dreamed of. (Keep repeating this mantra!)

This weekend we are hosting our daughter in law to be's parents. A sorta get to know you and who is going to pay for what weekend. We've met once before so we're not totally unfamiliar with them. I hope and pray that the weekend goes smoothly and that we all can agree on things.

Lord, as busy as everything seems around me and as chaotic as our life is right now, help me to remain focused on you and allow you to be present in all that I do and say.