Pulling at the Heart Strings

This blog has become an outlet for my thoughts and feelings about parenting, life and marriage. So many times I've written about my struggles with parenting two boys -- two very different boys both in age and personality. I know very well that no two children are ever the same, but my two boys are so different that I wonder how on earth it happened.

I am missing them both today for two very different reasons. Jacob is away in Philadephia on his first mission trip. He left yesterday at 4 a.m. He texted me on and off most of the way and seemed to be a little homesick and anxious. He called around 11:00 last night and sounded some better. Hubby and I prayed for him and are hoping that today he's busy and feeling better. We haven't heard from him, but they do keep them quite busy, which is a good thing. Jacob is my ever present sidekick in life right now and I miss him tremendously. His personality is a lot like mine -- he's open, mouthy, loud, sweet, compassionate and stronger than me. He has a streak of determination a mile wide and a smile that lights up the world. I pray for Jacob this week "to see his faith with new eyes, to deepen his relationship with his Saviour, to find happiness in helping others, to have fun and make sweet memories."

I'm missing Zachary for much different reasons. Zachary is right here in the same city as me, but further away than Jacob is physically. Zachary is smart, so smart that he has always amazed me. He's moody and hard to approach. He's has the most amazing blue eyes and sometimes a boyish charm about him. Right now though he is struggling. I've known it for a long time and I'm powerless to do anything about it. No matter what I say or do I can't reach him. I spend hours praying the same prayer, "Lord, protect my child from harm, protect the people around him, help him to see where he's at in his life and reach out to you, bring him to his knees, please, please spare his life."

Nothing in this world can pull at our heart strings like our children. Nothing brings more happiness to us or more sadness than a child. The days spent raising them from the moment they are placed in our arms seem so difficult. We often think if I can just get them potty trained, if I can just get them in school, thru school, thru college, married, independent. The truth is we move from phase to phase, but it never really ends. We spend the rest of our lives raising them. We spend the rest of our lives hoping, praying that their lives will turn out alright.

I know my God is capable. He is capable where I fail, where I cannot reach, where I cannot go, he is capable. My children were loaned to me, but they are God's forever. I trust my Lord to be their parent, I trust my Lord for his will is divine. I trust my Lord to comfort my mother's heart, to wipe away my tears, my fears. My God is capable of anything.